This column originally ran in the winter 2024 Mirror Moms pages.
I could write an entire chapter on using public "accessible" bathrooms. Like the time the designated stall in the women's bathroom had wall bars but no room for a wheelchair. Or when the family bathroom was locked to avoid extracurricular activities - the kind legal only in the state of Nevada. After three decades of wheelchair use, I have plenty of interesting, funny, and sometimes shocking stories.
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In the spring of 2004, my family and I visited the National Aquarium in Baltimore, Maryland. We knew beforehand there were no family bathrooms, and we’d have to use the regular women’s room. For someone who doesn’t need help, this isn’t an inconvenience. Pop in line, take the first available stall, wash your hands, leave. Depending on the queue, if there even is one, that’s a five-minute break into your day. It’s a fact you don’t think about—until you have to.
But, for a father with his three-year-old daughter, a mother with an infant and two toddlers, parents with an autistic child, or me, a wheelchair user who needs transfer assistance, planning your day around where an accessible bathroom is ranks as high as deciding where to eat a meal. In the absence of a family bathroom, life can get pretty complicated.
I lasted three hours that sunny spring morning. Did I mention how crowded the aquarium was? Between a 1 and a 10, it listed toward “they must be giving away free tickets.” But we were prepared. A friend had come with us, promising to watch our four-year-old son while my husband and I completed our urgently pressing task. With the two of them waiting in the hallway, we made it into the wheelchair accessible stall without too many questioning or shocked looks. A few seconds later, we heard our friend inform Every. Single. Woman entering the bathroom where we were, and what we were doing. We hadn’t asked her to do that, and were embarrassed by her volume and the prolific nature of her announcements!
This scene (thankfully without the bullhorn proclamation) has repeated itself hundreds of times when a family bathroom has been MIA. I’ve also used multiple out-of-the way public bathrooms, empty locker room bathrooms at ice rinks, bathrooms in a store’s storage room—my list is long and creative, and I wish it didn’t have to be.
One thing I’ve learned over the years, traveling with a wheelchair and special needs, is that if your main destination doesn’t have a family bathroom, there may be a building nearby with one either in their lobby or at the back of their store. In general, if a place is new or has been renovated within the last decade, they’ve included this type of bathroom in their floorplan. Walmarts, movie theaters, Holiday Inn Expresses, and Hampton Inns are almost all guaranteed to have these shining oases of privacy somewhere on their properties.
A sign at PPG Paints Arena [in Pittsburgh, PA], one attached to every family bathroom’s door the year they opened, basically stated that these were for their disabled patrons and parents with small children. Which leads me to my fervent plea:
If you are able-bodied, if you are comfortable using a male or female bathroom, please do so. This leaves the family bathrooms open and available to the people who really need them.
Thank you. It matters more than you realize.
I’m happy to report that the National Aquarium in Baltimore now has a family bathroom on its ground floor of Blue Wonders, right near the stroller check.
Hmmmm…might be time to schedule another visit.
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